My Dearest Within Me

Written at WRITE ON!

Written at WRITE ON! is a series of articles written by participants during a WRITE ON! workshop, and shared with the community.

Tyler Feliciano wrote this during Kind Fools’ June 11, 2024 WRITE ON! workshop at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church.

My Dearest Within Me

I hope to hold my dearest close to me for the rest of my life, to get to feel her skin pressed against mine as I wake up in the morning. To get to feel a mix of her warmth along with the beams of sunlight hitting my skin.

I wish for this skin to be fresh, to have molted away my old form in exchange for something new. I want my insides to match my outsides, to allow my guts to spill on the floor in a beautiful crimson red.

I will admit, do not know if this new form with will appear to most as human. Though I suppose the Holy Spirit I believe to hold within me cannot be defined by such mortal concept.

But I believe in myself far enough to know that I will carve myself open, and I will pinch and proud until I can learn the complexities of my core. I don’t know if it will be possible to ever fully understand me, but I am want to know enough to accept the things I cannot change, and to find the joy in the journey of my growth. I will embrace the abyss, and fall into the void. Maybe then I can learn to love myself.

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